but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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