I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
