maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
