So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
