OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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