Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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