I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
