I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
