She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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