I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
