The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
