is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
