I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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