i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
