omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
