Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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