um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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