I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we should paint friendship bongs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
