Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
