you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He better not be in your backpack
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
