my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
