That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
