You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
