i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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