she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
