Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize