I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
