Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
