just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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