We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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