All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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