Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
