he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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