I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
