tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
