I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
