god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
