I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize