wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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