Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
