i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
