literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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