he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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