If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
