I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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