I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
