yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
