Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
