i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my shit smells like andre
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
