Where did you get a picture of my penis
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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