so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
