Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
