What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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