I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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