I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
