I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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