Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
