I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
