YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
