Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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