I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
