just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
