ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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