Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
