I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
