I heard we made out
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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