You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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