i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
