i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
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