i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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