Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there was a trapeze. enough said
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
