9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
