She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
