wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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