so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
